After All This Time
by LastTimelordChild
Summary: Why did you leave me? Why does it hurt so much? Why don't you hate me?


It had been two months since Paris.

It had been a month since Miranda had seen Andrea as she was getting into the car outside of Elias Clark. It had been a month since Miranda felt anything but hurt. The moment that she had seen the younger woman, there was just something in her smile that made her heart ache. When she was finally in the car there was a little flower of hope that bloomed in her chest. She didn't think when she felt her lips turn up in a smile of her own.

That hope began to wither away when the weeks went by. Her heart went back to a state of pain when whatever it was that she was hoping for vanished. The hollowness that she felt as she walked made her eyes sting and her chest contract painfully. No matter what she did there was no way to rid herself of that feeling.

Slowly her hurt bled into her work. Her voice was harsher, her demands more impossible and her patience became almost nonexistent.

Even Nigel began to worry when he noted little things. He saw it in the way that she didn't eat her lunch. The way that when she was brought coffee she didn't even look at it. Then there were her eyes. He had been so used to seeing this ferocity glow in her blue eyes. He admired the way that they seemed to see everything and more all at once. Now when he looked into her eyes he saw this dullness that made her look years older. The dark circles underneath her eyes showing just how little sleep she was getting.

That didn't change the way that she worked or the way that she held herself. She worked as if she was not slowly destroying herself.

Sadly there was nothing anyone could do. No one could tell that she was suffering from a broken heart, so they unknowingly let her be.

One night the entire townhouse was empty. Miranda was able to hide away in her study and let the silence consume her.

The girls had left with their father. Leaving their mother alone with her thoughts and a bottle of scotch. Being alone in her large house had once been pleasant. She had been able to enjoy it. The loneliness had never been this crushing.

 _The cameras flashed and she smiled. Somewhere in the back of her mind there was something wrong. When she thought back to that moment she would say that it was the day that her heart had stopped beating._

 _She looked behind her and Andrea was gone. The girl was no where to be seen. Miranda felt the air rush out of her lungs and she felt her mask slipping. Her body went on autopilot and her legs began to walk down the stairs. She was going to chase after the silly girl and bring her back. Then the paparazzi blocked her and she snapped back to her senses. She bit the inside of her cheek and waited for her tongue to be coated in blood. Miranda turned around and she walked up the stairs. Her heart began to beat painfully again in her chest._

She sat at her desk with her head hung low. Tears began to slowly slide down the side of her nose and her hands began to tremble as they gripped her tumbler of scotch. She stayed like that for god knows how long. They only time she would move was to take another gulp of alcohol. By the time the room began to tilt, her body became fuzzy and her heart finally stopped hurting, she had drank more then half the bottle.

Miranda should have stopped when her world began to spin or maybe even when she began to eye her phone and the memory of deep brown eyes kept popping up in her mind.

Questions still rang in her head.

 _Why did you leave me?_

 _Why does it hurt so much?_

 _Why don't you hate me?_

She wasn't thinking when her hand reached out across her desk and grabbed her phone. There was a small voice in the back of her mind that was warning her that this was a bad idea. The voice was telling her that she had no right to call her former assistant drunk and heart broken. She was not a love struck twenty something year old. Miranda was close to fifty years old and crying over a woman that was no older that twenty-seven.

Still her fingers fumbled as she began to type an all too familiar number. Her eyes looked up at the corner of her phone screen and saw that it was nearing midnight. Andrea would be either out with friends or she would be fast asleep. Miranda's finger hovered over the call button for a moment. There was a shutter of her heart and then her entire body began to tremble. She needed to get rid of this pain. She needed a reason to hate Andrea. Miranda desperately hoped that Andrea would wake up angry. She hoped that Andrea would demand why Miranda was calling. Tell her that she is no longer at Miranda's beck and call and that she should just fuck off.

Miranda needed anything to justify hating the woman that had stolen her heart. So that was what pushed her to press the call button. Out of instinct she reached out for her near empty tumbler of scotch and drank the last bit of it. That was enough for Miranda to throw all caution to the wind and her eyes began to burn with a ferocity from her tears. There was weight over chest and her heat began to painfully ache. The room was growing cold and her entire body tensed. The loud ringing from her phone sounded a million miles away. Each time that the phone went unanswered Miranda began to weep harder. The loneliness began to crawl up her back and wrap itself around her body. She pushed away from the desk and rested her elbows on her knees.

The world was spinning faster now and Miranda was afraid to stand up.

"Miranda? Is everything all right? Are the girls okay?" Andrea said in a rush. Her words were slightly muddled from being woken up, but the moment she had seen that familiar number she snapped awake.

The sound of the woman's voice was enough to shatter Miranda. "Why did you leave me? Leave me when my entire world was burning around me?" Miranda sobbed. The burning liquor had roughed her voice making it sound broken and all the words had just been one slur of unrecognizable nonsense. There was the sound of shuffling on the other side and Miranda braced herself. This was the moment that she was waiting for.

Andrea had sat straight up in her bed. Her eyes were wide and she did a quick scan of her room to find the nearest set of pants. There was something in her former boss's voice that had Andrea rushing to get out of her house and reach Miranda. The slur in her voice said that the woman had been drinking. The sobs that she heard soon after told her that Miranda was crying.

She was putting on pants when she finally spoke. "Miranda have you been drinking? Where are you, I'll come get you." It must have been the panic in Miranda's voice that Andrea had responded too because for a long minuet she hadn't realized what the woman had said. Then she heard the woman again.

That had not been what Miranda had expected. She didn't expect the worry and panic in her former assistant's voice. Nor did she expect for Andrea to offer to go to her. That was all too much in that moment. The hope that flared in Miranda's heart made her gasp. Then fear began to settle heavily over it. She needed to know why she had left. "Andrea, for God's sake answer me. Why did you leave me?" she cried.

It felt like cold water being dump on Andy. The sound of Miranda broken and begging made her knees go weak. The floor gave out from beneath her and she fell…hard. Her next words were all said in one breath. "I wasn't strong enough. I was scared and I ran away." Her free hand came up and she pressed the heel of her palm hard against her eye. This was not the time to cry. Miranda needed her and for once she was not going to run away.

"Come back to me…" Miranda whimpered. She needed something solid underneath her. The squeaking leather and the wheels underneath the chair was making her feel unstable. She slid off the chair and sat on the cold wooden floor. The floor felt steady underneath her and helped with the spinning of the room. The slight pain in her knees was able to clear her head and hear the soft cries on the other side of the line. Her heart broke all over again and she closed her eyes.

 _What had they done to deserve such heartbreak? This pain was just pain. It was not making either woman stronger. It wasn't building their characters, it only hurt._

Miranda was going to make it right. She was going to take back everything that she had said to Andrea. She was going to take back all the heartbreak that she caused and make everything okay. If it meant that Andrea would stay with her then she would burn all of fucking New York. Why would Miranda care? She had given everything to the city. She had given everything to the fashion industry. Creating names, making history, and being one of the most coveted editors. What was she given in return? Nothing but the name of a Dragon, the Devil herself, a heartless bitch that no one could love. Her Ice Queen persona was becoming too real. She could feel a chill creep up from the floor to seep through her stockings and into her skin. Miranda could swear that the room had gotten colder.

Andrea took a deep breath and wiped her wet face. On the other side of her room was her purse. There she would find her wallet. That was good, that meant that she had cash to hail a cab and get to Miranda as fast as possible. "Miranda, where are you?" She asked. Andy checked her purse as she ran to the door.

The fog over Miranda's mind became lighter. She remembered where she was and why she was pressing the phone to her ear so tightly. Andrea's voice swept over her in a flurry of warmth, pain, and something that Miranda was too scared to put a name to. "I'm home." She was able to say. Her tongue felt like lead in her mouth and then rational thought decided to come back to her.

She needed water. That meant going down stairs to her kitchen. That was three flights of stairs below her. In her inebriated state she was not sure if it would be safe for her to go down stairs at all.

Then it was like Andrea had read her mind. "Miranda, I need you to drink some water. It'll make things a little easier." She sounded like she was outside. There was wind howling on the other end and the sound of car horns.

Something warm fluttered in Miranda's heart and she gripped her cell phone, desperate to some how pull Andrea through their connection and have her right there in that moment.

"Okay." Miranda said. Slowly she was able to get back on her feet. For a moment she thanked herself from taking her heels off. When she was finally on her feet, she swayed for a moment. The room became a little clearer as she finally regain some sense of control. On her desk was the almost finished bottle of scotch. It had been full when she had started drinking that night. The smell of it lingered in the air and traveled to her nose. At first Miranda just stood there, breathing deeply to try and sober herself. That was when her stomach contracted and sharp pain made her double over. Her throat expanded and contracted as the contents of her stomach decided to make a guest appearance.

She covered her mouth, dropping her phone as she ran to the bathroom connected to the study.

Stomach acid and scotch flooded her mouth as she flung the door open and threw herself at the toilet. She didn't know how long she knelt there vomiting every single morsel of food she had eaten that day, which wasn't a lot to begin with. Miranda should have been more careful when it came to her drinking. Now she was paying the price.

In the distance she could hear her cell phone ringing. She had a good part of mind to just ignore it. Then in a matter of seconds she was forced to as she began to throw up again.

Andrea called another five times before the cab stopped right in front of Miranda's townhouse. She was quick in handing the cabbie the money and bolting for the front door. Her phone was still pressed to her as she called Miranda for the sixth time. Finally after the third ring her call was answer. On the other end she could hear Miranda cough and then some quiet shuffling. "Miranda?" Andrea asked quietly. Out of the corner of her eye she saw lights being turned on in the ground floor. Then the light of the foyer turned on. Andrea had to remind herself to breathe.

Through the phone she could hear panting. Then the unmistakable sound of a lock turning. It was strange to hear it from her phone and then right in front of her. For a long moment there was no sound, then there was a soft thud on the door.

Miranda let her body fall against the door. Her hand shaking as she was poised to turn the knob and open the door. She knew that if she did that there was no turning back. When she opened the door she was going to face everything all over again. She knew that it would only be that much harder with Andrea there in person. She didn't even stop the sob that slipped from her lips. The ache in her body and the thumping of her heart was beginning to become too much for her to handle. It felt like the weight of the entire world was resting on her drunk fucking shoulders and she wasn't strong enough to keep it up.

This wasn't about Andrea anymore. This was about every single person that had left her. Her ex-husbands, her family, her friends, and now the only person that Miranda had come to care for. A silly woman with a heart of gold, with compassion for every person she met, and love that Miranda didn't deserve. The tears blinded her vision as she stared at the floor.

A soft voice floated into her ear.

 _I never hung up the phone._

"I'm not leaving again. All you have to do is open the door." Andrea whispered in her ear.

Her heart exploded in her chest, leaving her dazed and even drunker then when she had started. Miranda choked on a sob and the force of it made her knees buckle. Blindly her hands turned the knob to open the door, her phone dropping to the floor forgotten. The cold New York air rushed in and Miranda shivered. Her face going cold as the wind dried the tears on her face.

In front of her stood the reason for so much heartache. The reason why Miranda had any fucking hope left.

She noticed that Andrea's hair was a little longer, her arms a little stronger. Andrea's eyes were just as Miranda remembered: deep dark golden brown. The smile on her full red lips just a little softer. She wasn't prepared for that moment. Then in a second everything came back. Every snide remark, every time Miranda pushed her, every time Andrea accomplished the impossible and Miranda never once thanked her. She remembered the moment she had made Andrea cry. Her eyes wide, glossy, and so filled with pain.

Miranda stumbled back from the force of the guilt. The world was spinning again and the taste of scotch lingered in the back of her throat. Fresh tears streamed down her face as she began to cry all over again.

"I am so sorry, Andrea," she cried.

Andrea's entire body sagged under the relief of seeing Miranda again. Then her heart stuttered in her chest as she saw the once powerful woman break down before her. Those tears were because of her, because of what Andrea had done because she was too scared to face the truth. She left Miranda like this and it was going to be her that would put Miranda back together.

She slammed the door behind her, dropping her purse and phone on the floor. It took only a few steps for Andrea to close the gap between them. Her arms came up and wrapped themselves around Miranda's shaking body. One arm came around the woman's back and the other reaching up so Andrea could lose her fingers in soft silver hair. The weight of the woman against her body was heavy and so fucking perfect. Her embrace tightened and she finally began to breath again.

Miranda froze for a few long seconds. Her arms were crushed against Andrea's chest and the woman seemed to not have any plans to let go. The idea alone made fireworks explode in her chest. The warmth that came off of Andrea's body made Miranda flush. All the guilt and loneliness that had sunk it's teeth into her soul began to disappear. She struggled against Andrea for a moment until she was able to free her arms and wrap them around the younger woman's neck. This pressed their bodies even closer. The feeling of Andrea against her made Miranda's head spin. Then she realized that she was still extremely drunk.

The fuzzy feeling in her head made her cries turn to soft whimpers. She closed her eyes and buried her face in the crook of Andrea's neck. The smell of vanilla assaulted her nose and made her entire body buzz warmly. "Oh...god..." She gasped. Her eyes clenched shut and she felt her body move without her permission. Her fingers went to tangle in long, soft brown hair. Her lips pressed against velvet skin and her tongue peaked out to taste. All the pain began to fade away and in its place was a warming in the pit of her stomach.

The feel of lips against her neck made Andrea close her eyes. There was a part of her mind that would have let Miranda keep going. See how far the woman was willing to go. Then she remembered that Miranda was very drunk and the woman needed to get some rest. Through gritted teeth she said, "Miranda, have you had water?"

Miranda shook her head and pressed herself closer to Andrea. Her lips began to move up the expanse of her neck, reaching a soft patch of skin behind her ear. She let her teeth graze it and then she sucked. The moan she was rewarded with made Miranda's blood boil. That was when she felt it, hands were coming up to rest on her shoulders and push her away. She felt her eyes burn again and her chest begin to hurt. When she spoke she hadn't meant to sound so small. "Andrea..." She could feel her cheeks getting wet all over again. Her already compromised vision suffered even more when her tears began to blur her sight.

Then the hands that were on her shoulder moved to stroke her neck. Thumbs came up to brush her jawline and a slight pressure had her stumble a few feet forward. Soft lips pressed against her forehead and she sobbed all over again.

"You need water," Andrea whispered against cold skin. She felt her heart give a lurch to the fresh tears falling from Miranda's face. Without a second thought she wiped away the tears and pressed another lingering kiss to Miranda's forehead. When she had calmed down Andrea was able to take Miranda to the kitchen. Everything seemed to be coming back down when Miranda was leaning against the sink and drinking her second glass of water.

Miranda should have drank water sooner. It soothed her burning throat and cleaned her mouth of all the bile that had linger behind from her meeting with the toilet. She was still swaying on her feet and there was no doubt that she was still a little drunk, but it had went down a considerable amount. Miranda knew that she was going to pay for her little stunt when she woke up the next day. A little voice in the back of her mind decided that it would be a good time to remind her just what had happened in the last few hours.

 _The moment you wake up tomorrow you are going to realize that all this was just a dream._

She was quick to hide the pain she felt by finishing her glass of water. If this was a dream then she was going to take full advantage of the fact that with the scotch in her blood there was no fear holding her back. She put the glass in the sink before turning around and facing Andrea. Just having the woman in her home was enough to make her dizzy all over again.

Andrea let her eyes roam over Miranda. The state of the woman was enough to put anyone in state of worry. Her silk blouse was wrinkled beyond repair and her skirt was bunched up a few extra inches up. It was like Miranda had been crouching and had forgotten to pull her skirt back down. Her hair was messy and untamed, it was clear that Miranda had been running her fingers through it. Andrea then moved her eyes to look at Miranda's tear-stained face. Brilliant blue eyes were bloodshot and dulled. Miranda's face was flushed and drying from her earlier crying. It was clear that the entire ordeal was taking everything out of the woman. Her shoulders had fallen, her face was downcast, and her entire body trying to hide away.

"What happened, Miranda?" She said softly. Her feet carried her to the sink where Miranda stood. When she was within reach, her hand came out to take Miranda's. Their finger gripped tightly at each other.

It was as if both of the woman couldn't quite believe what was happening.

Miranda's eyes looked down at their hands. The scotch turned into a puppeteer and pulled invisible strings. Without thinking Miranda closed the space between them. Her free hand came up and went to gently brush Andrea's bangs. The woman looked at her with such a wide range of emotions that it was hard to decipher what she was thinking. "I don't know." She answered. Her heart gave a lurch and pushed Miranda to trace Andrea's bottom lip. "My heart broke when you left. I tried to ignore it but it only got worse as time went on. My entire world was falling apart and for one moment I thought that as long as you were there I would be able to survive. Then you left me and I didn't." Miranda's voice came out broken and defeated. Her hand fell back down and she took a step away from Andrea. The loss of contact was painful.

As Andrea took in the information she went back in time to the night that she had found Miranda after the divorce was sprung on her. That was the moment that Andrea knew that she had no chance in keeping her heart. Miranda had just needed to look at her for Andrea to know.

 _I had thought that it was all admiration. All the times that you smiled and my heart hurt was cocked up to admiration, hero worship, and respect. I hadn't realized that I was falling for you._

"I left because I was scared. In just five minuets you stole my heart, then in another five you were able to shatter it." Andrea confessed. "I thought after that night in Paris things would have been different. I thoughts that we would face Irving together. I was ready to do anything. Then what you did to Nigel and what you told me in that car..." Tears slid down Andrea's face. It was her turn now to reach out and pull Miranda closer. One hand went to grip Miranda's waist possessively, the other going to cup her cheek. "You pushed me away. So I ran away from the pain that would have killed me."

There was nothing Miranda could do but stand there. The weight over her chest forced out all the air in her lungs in one shaking breath. "I did all that to protect you. They would have torn you away from me. You would have lost everything because of me." Miranda turned to press a kiss on Andrea's palm. "That was a battle that I needed to fight on my own. Nigel deserved better than what was being offered to him. He can do so much more. In the moment he didn't see it and having lost his friendship in the process was painful."

Miranda looked Andrea in the eyes, as the space between them vanished. "I never deserved you"

Their first kiss was hard, intoxicating, and rectified all the hurt the two women had been harboring.

Andrea realized only half a second before Miranda lost her fingers in her hair and pressed her against the counter. It hadn't been enough time. She wasn't prepared for how perfect it felt or just how easy it was for Andrea to hold Miranda and let her kiss her senseless against the sink. The soft gasp that Miranda had been able to steal quickly turned into a moan. Miranda shifted her weight and pressed one long leg between Andrea's. The sensation made Andrea' dizzy and her hands became desperate and possessive.

The entire world was consumed by fire as Miranda realized that this was not a dream. Her body was pressed against the woman who had invaded her dreams for weeks. Her hands were trembling as they moved from hair to neck. She felt the tip of a tongue begin to coax her lips apart and her toes curls. The whimper of relief that fell from her lips was followed by a desperate sound as Andrea pulled away.

Their foreheads pressed together as they shared the same air. The tension in the kitchen made their bodies sing with anticipation. Andrea swallowed the urge to pick up Miranda and sit her on the counter so they could finished what she had started. Rationality began to sneak up on Andrea as she saw the dazed look in Miranda's eyes. She smelt of roses and scotch. The same scotch that had been the catalyst for the events unfolding in that moment. Andrea remembered that Miranda was drunk. "We can't do this. You're drunk." She panted.

Something desperate flickered in Miranda's eyes. She tightened her grip on Andrea. "I don't care. I can't lose you again."

Andrea was quick to press a linger kiss on Miranda's lips that left them breathless. "I'm not going to leave. I'll be here in the morning, I promise." She whispered gently against Miranda's lips.

Miranda trembled in Andrea's arms as her heart was consumed by fire, the heat making her body hot and heavy. Her eyes going hooded and the scotch making the entire world go dark and warm. She realized that her bed sounded heavenly. Her body slumped against Andrea and she rested her head against a strong shoulder. Fingers began to comb through her hair and she sighed.

"Stay with me." She breathed.

Andrea's lips kissed the top of her head. "Always," she said against silver hair.


End file.
